The damage after the storm...

It's already been two years and I feel like this hurricane in my life has consumed me.  I received the warning years ago, but ignored it.  I guess I was in some sort of denial or something.  The warning signs were there though.  There were many days that I sat by myself crying, wondering, how in the world was I going to escape all of the damage that had been done.  The lies, deceit, distrust, abuse...all of that and I still held on to what appeared to be a pile of nothing leftover from the storm.  But there it was...I saw the sun!  There was some light!  Finally, all of the nonsense was over!  I could relax and move on, pretending that none of this ever happened.  Just when I thought the storm was finally over, I realized that I was only in the eye of the storm. 

More and more, things began to unravel and finally the storm hit it's peak of damage.  There was a baby that was born and it didn't have my blood.  The worst of what I thought could happen, happened.  My nightmare came to a halt and I suddenly realized that I was outside the entire time while the storm was taking it's course in my life.  I was vulnerable and naiive to think that it would never happen, although all of the signs were there.  How in the world could someone do this to their wife?  Why would someone want to do something like that, besides for the simple gratification of wanting to seek revenge?  That question was something that I was afraid I would never get the answer to.

So it has now been two years after the storm and it is all still unraveling.  The more information I find out about how this storm tried to ruin everything that I once knew and thought to be contentment and happiness, the more I see it as a rainbow.  My personal rainbow after the storm.  The storm begins to look like a blessing more and more everyday.  From discovering the countless betraying sexual encounters that happened under my nose throughout my eight year marriage, to finding out that my children have a younger brother, that has no relation to me, to taking pride in being a mother to my two beautiful children and realizing that this is something that I will most likely have to do on my own for the rest of their childhood....  There are still some parts of my life that are low hovering clouds through which are very difficult to see, but one thing is for sure...the days that I dreaded looking forward to after this category 4 hurricane are suddenly very sunny with small showers throughout.  This part of my life is no longer a detination, but a revelation that I was always supposed to see.  It was all supposed to happen, and I am now where I am supposed to be.  The damage is done and I can now begin to start picking up the pieces of broken furniture and shattered glass and start taking steps toward my rainbow.