Today seemed like one of the longest days that I have had in a long time. After a long day of work, I got home to learn that I needed to assist my father in making some salmon cakes. It really wasn't my idea of spending my evening, but somebody had to cook and we all had to eat. So, I kicked off my heels which, at that point were causing excruciating pain to my toes, and stepped barefoot into the kitchen to help him out. He had everything laid out and ready to go, but was adamant about running out to K-Mart to get a food chopper to finely chop the onions. I had that squinted look in my eyes as if to say, "Are you serious right now?" In my mind I was thinking, a man with hands as big as yours should be able to chop some onions up. So, I took the chopping knife and grabbed the cutting boards and went to work. As we began to work together in the kitchen to cook a fine dinner made up of salmon cakes, honey biscuits, spinach and rice there was this nice sense of teamwork that was taking place. He took the bones out of the salmon and began to mix it up with the eggs and flour. I was chopping the onions and preparing to put the biscuits in the oven. Then I began preparing the salmon to be fried and he was preheating the olive oil on the stove. If I needed something, he would pass it to me and if I needed to make a smart comment about how he was doing something, I did, and he would gladly take my suggestions.
Then at one point during our cooking endeavor, he looks out into the air and says to me, "You know, it's a shame that your husband didn't realize what he had." He continues and says, "There are men who would go to China to find a woman that every Tom, Dick and Harry didn't know." Just as he began to get a little choked up and just right before I was about to suggest to him to get himself together and to keep his composure, I just took the compliment and continued with my chopping. I knew exactly what he meant and for that short hour in my day, I felt appreciated. That hour was the best spent hour I had the entire day.
What was most amazing in that time spent with my father cooking in the kitchen was that the relationship that I have with him has always been the type of relationship that I have desired to have with the leading man in my life. It's awkward, because eight years ago when I married, who I thought was that man, I would have never thought that I would be second guessing that decision someday. What's comical and yet encouraging about my failed marriage is that I still have a desire to have a husband who is going to work with me as a team to grow and support a family. I still feel that there is somebody out there for me who is going to be my knight and shining armor, even if I already have that knight in my father. For so long in my adulthood I suppressed the desires of my heart and just ignored the fact that I wasn't getting what I felt I needed in my marriage. I realize now, that the whirlwind of storms that I sailed through throughout my marriage crashed and destroyed my boat, only for me to still come out alive and to begin to rebuild a boat of my own. Perhaps down the road, I will pick a co-captain who will want to sail away with me and rediscover a marital chapter of my life again. But, until I do, I am content and happy sailing the seas unaccompanied and discovering my world alone.
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